When You Can Scale Back No More

I hurt for some friends back home who lost their jobs this week. While I know God holds them in the very palm of His hand, it still leaves a knot in the pit of my stomach. Being the creater and keeper of the church budget at the Tabernacle, I know the feeling of waiting for the numbers to come in each week. It's a point of GREAT confusion for me. While I feel it's a lack of faith to hold my breath, it doesn't prevent me from doing so. When I see the email from Vicky reporting the weekly figures, I literally suck air while clicking it open. This week I rejoiced that we exceeded budget by 19 bucks ... I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach last week when we didn't ... historically January is a tough month for us. I scaled back everything I could for 2009. I'm rebiding contracts, cutting out the little fat that there is and helping to get the church refinanced. By doing so, it might give us a pinch of breathing room. Without it, our bottom line will be zero at the end of the year. However, if there is much in the way of out of the ordinary expenses (like a flood and deductibles), weather that affects attendance, etc., it will jack us up. There are times I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. While I won't be the one to determine who, I know the very jobs of friends who are like family are on the line. So, I pray, I cut and I watch.