"I Feel Loved Tank" Response

THIS RESPONSE FROM A FRIEND AND AN AMAZING LEADER IS TOO BRILLIANT NOT TO SHARE.

You’re right. The “how loved I feel tank” would be a vital part of that emotional tank we all deal with every day—probably THE most important part of that tank. It’s a tank I’ve chosen to mentally prioritize in my relationship with others and give away “on purpose.” It’s also a tank I’ve mentally studied with regards to myself to see what “fills me up.” I’ve learned that I need to orchestrate my life in a way that strategically fills that tank for me, rather than being at the mercy of others to do it.

Let me give you some of my thoughts:
I TAKE STEPS TO KEEP MY OWN LOVE-TANK FULL BY:
1. Making time in my schedule for a few replenishing relationships...even when I don’t “have time.” They are often kids for me or some of my key leaders. Just people I really enjoy being around.

2. I know that when I don’t carve out solitude time for myself, even a couple of hours in the evening, when I don’t have to do anything at all (though I always have MORE work I NEED to do) that I will soon start to feel empty in my love-tank. Giving myself private, alone-time WITHOUT GUILT OR RESPONSIBILITIES is my personal “love language” to myself. I think it’s important that a personal look inside themselves and determine what their own “ME TO ME LOVE LANGUAGE” is.

3. I need some time to hang out with Jesus OUTSIDE...in nature. Crazy, but I’ve learned that it makes a difference on me.

4. I’ve also learned certain self-talk voices in my head that the enemy always seems to send to beat me down. I’ve identified those same thought patterns as him. Thus, I don’t take them too seriously anymore. The less seriously I take them, the more they seem to lose their grip on me.

A FEW OF THE STEPS I’VE TAKEN TO FILL OTHER PEOPLE’S LOVE TANK:
1 I realize that I best fill others when my own is pretty full.

2. I realize that I can only truly “pour” into a few tanks significantly...on a regular basis (ie...my key leaders) Thus, I choose mentally who will be my key responsibilities.

3. I realize that small deposits in many other people’s love tanks will have high returns PRIMARILY BECAUSE OUR SOCIETY LEAVES MOST OF US SO TERRIBLY EMPTY. Thus, I’ve trained myself to know the importance of short, authentic words of affirmation to people, even when I am merely quickly walking past them. Small things, done in a Christ honoring spirit, really do make a big difference.

4. I train others around me on affirmation and bringing out the best in others often. It’s a key cornerstone for the culture I’ve always tried to create (family, affirmation, authenticity)...because I realize very few people do it intuitively. They have to be encouraged in that direction. Like I talk small groups constantly from a pragmatic side of the fence, I choose to talk affirmation and family constantly from an emotional culture side.

5. I love reading...and re-reading books that make me better on stuff like this (ie. “Bringing out the best in people” by McGinnis.

Hope that’s enough to get your head going.

GREAT QUESTION.