The Audience That Day and The Days Prior

LAST REFLECTION ON THE FUNERAL

Officiating my dad's service was a tough call. I wanted to do it, thought I could do, but didn't know if I could pull it off. It's been a redeeming moment in the midst of tragedy.

I got a lot of "great jobs," so it felt good and right. In fact, when Jeanne read it beforehand she wanted me to promise to make an annoucement sometime at the dinner afterwards that "I don't do funerals." I told her, "don't be silly." She told me, "I'm serious." When I got a number of requests afterwards, I realized she was serious. It was very honoring and kind of funny at the same time. My greatest compliment came from my aunt, she said "Judy, if you had a church, I'd come and listen to you every week. I didn't even want to get up to go have a cigarette." That little comment meant the world to me and makes me smile even as I write. However, nothing compares to what I realized afterwards. I didn't think about it at the time, but there were three different families in the room that day directly affected by previous suicides of their brother, sister, son and daughter. My hope and prayer is that, though my open and honest communication, something resonated in their hearts that they can hold onto.

LAST REFLECTION ON MEDICAL CARE
I've been told that we've got the potential for a lawsuit. That's not the kind of person I am, but I am one to learn from mistakes - my own and others - in an effort not to repeat them. Some asked about my father being in ICU just a month ago. Here's the story...

The drug, Seroquel, that he took for his bipolar disorder was skipping a few beats. The doctor thought a sleep aid would do the trick. Well it turns out when he mixed the sleep aid with the Seroquel, it resulted in either Serotonin Syndrome or Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome. Basically his body turned toxic on him and he went into a catatonic state. He was in ICU for a week with oxygen levels all over the chart. Obviously at that point, they took him off all his meds. They did a gazillion tests and came up with nothing. After about 4-5 days he started coming out of it. However, when he was better, instead of starting him on Seroquel again without the sleep aid or something else, they released him and put him on nothing - a guy who previously was on high doses of an anti-depressent, now on nothing ... what was his doctor thinking? In my gut, I knew that didn't seem right and should of questioned it further ... what was I thinking? In hindsight, I should of pestered and pursued other experts.

All that to say, trust doctors but if the answers don't seem quite right, be relentless ... don't give up and don't give in ... Michelle and Rob had to do it with Isabelle, Jeanne and Josh have to do it with Monica, and we should have done it with my dad. I'm not going to sue, but I am going to learn.